Hey there 🙂
Welcome back to my blog faithful followers, or hello for the first time to any newcomers! I hope you decide to stay and chat awhile with me. Today, we’re talking about, you guessed it, resolutions.
By now, you might be a little sick of the word (don’t worry, I am too–I actually don’t believe in the whole resolution thing, but that’s another story). Whether you wrote them off a week ago, banned them from your life, or are still strictly sticking to ’em, resolutions are pretty much everywhere right now.
Your’s may be a health journey, mentally or physically–or both. It might be a promise to quit an addiction. A vow to your significant other. Goals for your blog. Whatever it may be, it is a resolution or goal that you’ve set for you.
That’s right. For you.
Which is why I want to caution you against sharing your goals with just anyone and everyone.
In a lot of cases, accountability is a great thing. Going to the gym, for instance, is a whole lot easier and more enjoyable when you’re implementing the buddy system.
But when your resolution, your goal, is just a wee itty bitty baby, not even taking its first steps yet, sharing it with the world could actually damage it.
Just today, when I got home from school, I made the mistake of sharing a new character idea for a book I’m writing with my brother. I ignored that teeny voice in my head that was warning me not to, because I was so desparate for someone else’s affirmation. Here’s what was wrong with sharing this part of my goal (i.e. writing a book):
- Yes, I have mentioned to both family and friends (and on here with you guys) that I one day want to write a book. Though I have been very vague on here, I’ve been sharing with my immediate family the details of this book. I don’t know about you, but my family is very critical. And when these ideas for my story are precious newborns, if I rely on my family’s approval to determine whether they live or die, it is so detrimental. The problem is that I am seeking other’s justification for what I am doing for myself. My goal is for me–just like your goal is for you, no one else. It’s tempting in the beginning to share, I know. It is so hard not to spread your enthusiasm with every ear in listening range. And that’s a good feeling! I’m glad you’re excited–as well you should be 🙂 But protect that excitement from the cold of the outside. Don’t let your newborn baby freeze to death before it can even crawl.
You will face opposition. You will face judgements. People will ask why in the world you want to do that, they’ll rub their noses at you and tell you it’s no good, it’ll never work out.
That’s what my brother did.
Against all better judgement, I presented this newborn character idea to him–nonchalantly on the outside, like I didn’t care what he thought, though I was, of course, begging him to like it on the inside. Like any wonderful, loving younger brother, his answer was “Cool! You’ve got this sis!”
No, like any real brother the first word’s out of Danny’s mouth were: “You know how hard it’s gonna be to get them to publish you right?” (I’d told him the specific publisher I have in mind. Another mistake, obviously.)
That one question, paired with his bad attitude, came this close to squashing my poor baby into oblivion. All because I was sharing what I shouldn’t have been.
Until you have grown the maturity to back up your resolution or goal, don’t share it with everybody. Maybe don’t even share it with your family–maybe especially don’t share it with your family. If you’re going to share it, only share with a select few people you trust to both give you honest feedback and kind encouragement:
- You see, constructive criticism can be a beautiful thing for a goal–it can transform an inkling into action, a newborn into an infant. The right criticism can open your eyes to some of the mistakes you may be making. But because the criticism is coming from the right person/people, it builds you up where others might tear you down.
Right now, I don’t really have anyone to share my manuscript with. Not anyone who would build me up, anyway. While I’ve got–and you’ve got–a Father who delights in every single one of our dreams and cheers at every baby step we take, for now I can’t share my goals with anyone else. You may not have anyone else either.
And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s better to let our goals grow bigger and stronger before we let them walk on their own. If not sharing your resolutions means you won’t be at risk of letting somebody else destroy them, then it’s not a bad thing to keep them to yourself. It’s actually a beneficial thing–it’s not their goal anyway, they shouldn’t get to tear it down!
I do believe in the power of friendship and community, even if it didn’t sound like it I promise lol. And because of that, I am asking for a little help. (Which is taking more guts than it probably should.) The book I’m writing is geared towards young adult girls, like 12+, but I don’t have anyone that age around me to read and contstructively criticize. What are your suggestions? Anywho, thank you all so much for reading! You are beautiful and you are loved ❤︎